The Ultimate Guide To Being Mummy’s Favourite Teenager

Until i was fourteen i never liked my mother.

Firstly, let me tell a short story.

I always loved my Father, more, than my mum, because she spanked me too many times. She didn’t always wait for the offence to be completely reported before she starts hitting you.

My Dad, was, however, calmer and would always go through due process, before, admitting your guilt.

And when my dad finds out you are in the wrong, he had rather give you a pep talk, than lay his hands on you. Well, like, every child who didn’t like being flogged, I guessed my mother was just being wicked.

However, as I journeyed through my Teenage Years, I became more attracted to my Mum, as Daddy started treating me like a man, with his baritone voice.

It was Mummy who went to the grocery store for me, she had put extra cash in my bag as I returned to school and was always at my bed when I fell ill.

My mum, never went an hour without mentioning my name, even when I was at school. Well, my siblings, gave me this gist.

But how did I move from being the cane boy to mummy’s Favourite Teenager?

Dating Is DANGEROUS

I was not fortunate to attend a mixed school in college, yes, not fortunate. Because I didn’t get to make fun of the girls in the dormitory as they entered into puberty. There were no girls to scare at Night prep, and I didn’t have a high school crush for six years.

However, every time I was home for breaks, my mum always told me not to get a girl pregnant. And, most, times I am like — Hey, I don’t even know where a girl wears her pants.

But, on a more serious note. Mothers’ frown at a relationship for their teenagers, especially the girls. You know why, they don’t want to be involved in the mess of Teenage pregnancy.

And so, the easiest, way to avoid the pregnancy drama, is not to get involved in dating. The moment, my mom knew I was dating even, after high school. All hell was let loose.

Mother’s believe dating as a Teenager will compromise your values, and you might fall into the temptation of Jack and Rose.

Hence, when, you aren’t dating, you remain in mummy’s good books.

JOIN THE CHOIR or become a Worker at the Vineyard

Every time I was returning home for a break, I always prayed that my mum won’t remind me about joining the choir or becoming a worker in the church.

My mummy had thought being a worker would help me stay out of trouble and would save the whole family from the Lord’s anger. But, what do these, mothers know about choir boys and girls?

I can assure that one way to your mum’s heart is joining your church’s workforce, and preferably the Choir.

You know, everybody sees the choir when they minister on Sundays, with red robes and great melody.

Your Mum would take your pictures as you assemble with the choir, put it up on Instagram with the caption — “my baby doing great things for the Lord. #JesusBaby #God’sVessel.

Nothing brings much fulfillment to mothers when the see their Teens singing praises to the Lord.

Call home and say — Hey moma, I just joined the youth choir and watch her scream with Joy.

Teenagers working in the vineyard are answered prayers to mothers.

The kitchen Must Be Undefiled

The kitchen is the most important room for a wife or mother.

Never defile your mother’s kitchen.

She had easily forgive you if you break the Plasma in the living room, but, don’t be responsible for broken plates, missing cutleries or getting the kitchen defiled.

Don’t leave the tap running in the kitchen, or get the back of the frying pan black. You had to fix it before she returns home.

At some point, I was always going to make noodles, get the whole kitchen messy. My mom, would come upstairs, scream at me and sometimes use the cane.

I never understood why, she was so angry, just for the kitchen being dirty and not the other rooms in the house.

Every time, my name was mentioned for cleaning the kitchen or making the family meal, I got a pat on the head from my mom.

Be the Teenager, who ensures the kitchen is always clean. You can go the mile to making the meals and easing her of the stress.

But, importantly, keep the kitchen undefiled.

Let Your Character Shine Before All Men

I come from a conservative Nigerian home, where your name must never be mentioned for bad behaviour.

My mother would always say, that a good name is worth more than Gold.

One reason, why my mum still holds me, dear, is because no one ever reported me for bad conduct outside the home.

Being of good conduct is a great joy to your mom.

And here are the commandments of Good conduct

No Late Nights, Alcohol and Cigarette
Honour everyone older than you
Never fight in public spaces
Be satisfied with what the family can afford
Ensure people testify of your character.

The last commandment comes with a blessing. It shows that your mum is doing well in her role as a mother.

Someone once told my mum, Tunde is such a great guy, I don’t mind giving him my daughter.

Every time someone testifies of your character, Mummy makes a deposit into your blessing account.

Be of good conduct. I say, be of good conduct.

Freelance Writer | Teenage Life Coach | Christ Lover